Hey Beautiful!
If you've read my eBook series, Lainey's Bridge, you probably remember the character named Andrew. Though the books are not by any means completely autobiographical, I did have an "Andrew" in my life all through high school. In real life, I was much more manipulative and "crazy" for him than the character of Lainey is for Andrew. We were always friends, but I wanted more, and I went after what I wanted. It was painful. Thankfully, the real "Andrew" valued my friendship enough to hang on to it, but it doesn't always work out that way.
My face still can burn with shame, though I've been married for years, at the memories of guys I "chased" in my youth. All the subtle and not-so-subtle manipulations I devised to try to "get" a certain guy were such a waste of time and maybe even a slap in God's face, not to mention really humiliating to me when I came to my senses.
And the poor guy(s). It's awkward at best.
Young ladies, I say with all tenderness and compassion that I hope you'll choose to learn something from my experience (and from other older women in your life) and live your single years with more dignity than I did. I wasn't single for long (I married at the age of 21), but I made a fool of myself during my teenage years enough times and brought myself enough shame to last a lifetime if I'd let it.
You can't help who you like, I know. We're drawn to people for different reasons and there's nothing wrong with that. But it appears that God made guys to be pursuers, and we girls can mess things up for them and for ourselves if we try to take that role.
I'm not sure if it's a sin to pursue a guy we like. I don't know that it is. I've not seen that directly stated in the Bible. On the other hand, the Bible does tell us that not everything that's permissible for us is good for us. Why settle for good anyway, if we can hold out for the best instead?
Women complain about men all the time, and there are definitely some lame guys out there. But often, especially in this day and age, women are their own worst enemies by trying to manipulate men instead of trusting God, waiting on Him to prompt a guy to pursue them. The right guy. Don't you want the right guy? The one God knows is best for you?
Sometimes it's just a game. It was for me. I often wasn't interested in the guys who pursued me, because I was hyper-focused on my own agenda. Even the wonderful guy I ended up marrying had to remain gently persistent for awhile to get my full attention.
I can't say that it never works out when the girl makes the first move. That wouldn't be consistent with some people's experience, and, as I said earlier, I don't know that God would never work that way.
The real point is that if you "get" a guy to like you by manipulating, trying too hard, or giving up dignity, he doesn't like YOU. He's just interested in his perception of you based on the way you've behaved. If you just be the you God made you to be, and let things happen in the right timing, it's a lot less stress and a lot more genuine.
To any gal who acts, dresses, or speaks in an attention-seeking manner to try to get a guy to notice you, consider keeping your dignity intact, lovely lady. You are worth so very much and don't need to be fake to be loved.
If you are considering asking a guy out rather than waiting for him to make the first move, consider thinking and praying about it long and hard first. And, if you still feel it's the right thing to do, based on what I know now, I'd advise you to think and pray about it longer and harder, just to be on the safe side. The last thing we want to do is get ahead of the Lord's timing. In anything!
Inner Beauty Nugget:
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