"Guys," Part 3: The Chase

Hey Beautiful!

If you've read my eBook series, Lainey's Bridge, you probably remember the character named Andrew.  Though the books are not by any means completely autobiographical, I did have an "Andrew" in my life all through high school.  In real life, I was much more manipulative and "crazy" for him than the character of Lainey is for Andrew.  We were always friends, but I wanted more, and I went after what I wanted.  It was painful.  Thankfully, the real "Andrew" valued my friendship enough to hang on to it, but it doesn't always work out that way.

My face still can burn with shame, though I've been married for years, at the memories of guys I "chased" in my youth.  All the subtle and not-so-subtle manipulations I devised to try to "get" a certain guy were such a waste of time and maybe even a slap in God's face, not to mention really humiliating to me when I came to my senses.

And the poor guy(s).  It's awkward at best.

Young ladies, I say with all tenderness and compassion that I hope you'll choose to learn something from my experience (and from other older women in your life) and live your single years with more dignity than I did.  I wasn't single for long (I married at the age of 21), but I made a fool of myself during my teenage years enough times and brought myself enough shame to last a lifetime if I'd let it.

You can't help who you like, I know.  We're drawn to people for different reasons and there's nothing wrong with that.  But it appears that God made guys to be pursuers, and we girls can mess things up for them and for ourselves if we try to take that role.

I'm not sure if it's a sin to pursue a guy we like.  I don't know that it is.  I've not seen that directly stated in the Bible.  On the other hand, the Bible does tell us that not everything that's permissible for us is good for us.  Why settle for good anyway, if we can hold out for the best instead?

Women complain about men all the time, and there are definitely some lame guys out there.  But often, especially in this day and age, women are their own worst enemies by trying to manipulate men instead of trusting God, waiting on Him to prompt a guy to pursue them.  The right guy.  Don't you want the right guy?  The one God knows is best for you?

Sometimes it's just a game.  It was for me.  I often wasn't interested in the guys who pursued me, because I was hyper-focused on my own agenda.  Even the wonderful guy I ended up marrying had to remain gently persistent for awhile to get my full attention.

I can't say that it never works out when the girl makes the first move.  That wouldn't be consistent with some people's experience, and, as I said earlier, I don't know that God would never work that way.

The real point is that if you "get" a guy to like you by manipulating, trying too hard, or giving up dignity, he doesn't like YOU.  He's just interested in his perception of you based on the way you've behaved.  If you just be the you God made you to be, and let things happen in the right timing, it's a lot less stress and a lot more genuine.

To any gal who acts, dresses, or speaks in an attention-seeking manner to try to get a guy to notice you, consider keeping your dignity intact, lovely lady.  You are worth so very much and don't need to be fake to be loved.

If you are considering asking a guy out rather than waiting for him to make the first move, consider thinking and praying about it long and hard first.  And, if you still feel it's the right thing to do, based on what I know now, I'd advise you to think and pray about it longer and harder, just to be on the safe side.  The last thing we want to do is get ahead of the Lord's timing.  In anything!

Inner Beauty Nugget:

Cambria has some great insights on her "Too Busy for God" video.  Click on the link to watch the video.  Maybe leave her a nice comment? :)


Outer Beauty Tip:

Dani Austin gives some teeth whitening tips.  Click here to see the video. :)


Smile!

"Guys," Part 2: Can girls and guys be friends?

Hey Beautiful!

Hmmm. . . can girls and guys be friends?  Well, you might get different answers on that depending on who you ask.

Of course, I'm not talking about five-year-olds here, but, I guess . . . adolescents and young adults--pre-teens and older.

Though different people have different ideas about this, my ultimate authority is the Bible, and I don't recall ever reading in the Bible that girls and guys can not be friends.  And then there's my own life experience.  I've always had guys as friends for whom I had no feelings or intentions but friendship.

Not to mention that a more serious male-female relationship (the kind that leads to marriage) is bound to be more successful if it is built on a foundation of friendship.

So, sure, girls can be friends with guys, as long as the authority figures of both parties approve.

The other question that ought to be asked, though, is should girls and guys be friends?

There's a lot in the Bible about this because, though it doesn't forbid male-female friendships (that I'm aware of), it gives us some important guidelines for choosing friends and who we will hang out with, and these apply to people, whichever gender.

Consider the following when deciding whether or not to befriend any guy:

• Does he have your best interest at heart, or is he only looking out for himself?
• Does he have good moral character, or might he encourage you down the wrong path?
• Does he cause you to think about important things and to strengthen your own character?
• Is he kind to you?
• Is he loyal to you?
• Do your parents/guardians approve of the friendship?

(To read:  1 Corinthians 15:33; Proverbs 13:20; Proverbs 18:24; Proverbs 27:17; Proverbs 27:5-6;  Proverbs 22:24-25)

Every friend you choose (male or female) might not have the same exact beliefs you do, but that doesn't necessarily mean they can't be trusted.  On the other hand, someone who seems really "nice" at first might eventually show their true colors--that they aren't trustworthy.  It takes time to really know how sincerely a person cares about you and the level of trust you can place in them.

It's wise to be careful!

Another thing to consider is whether or not the guy has more than friendship on his mind toward you.  If you are interested in him strictly as friends, you don't want to lead him on by spending time with him without explaining that friendship is all you're willing to offer.

Lastly, let's talk about whether or not it's a good idea to be alone with a guy friend, a true friend whom you know you can trust.  There are some situations where this question can be answered quickly and easily.  For instance, if a lady is married to someone else, it's just not appropriate (in probably 99.99% of cases) for her to be meeting another guy to hang out alone, even if they're truly just friends.  Now, I'm not basing this on a commandment in the Bible (that I'm aware of) specifically addressing this.  But the Bible does tell us to be careful, to always have our guard up, to not cause others to stumble, etc.  It's just not appropriate.

If a girl is in a committed relationship with a guy or engaged, it's probably not the best idea, either.  Once again, I can't cite chapter and verse on this, but it's important to think it through, pray about it, and be honest with yourself about how you feel the Lord is leading you.

If there's not a committed relationship to think about, whether or not to hang out with a guy friend alone is going to depend on two things.  First is parent/guardian permission.  Without that, just forget the idea.  It's not worth it!  This is real life, not the movies where everything works out for the best when a girl follows her heart no matter what her parents say.  Real life is rarely that romantic.

Secondly, if you do have permission, be sure to pray and search your own heart.  If you feel uneasy or unsafe in any way, it's likely not time yet to spend time alone with this particular guy friend.  It's better to stay with groups until you're sure than to regret time spent alone with someone who isn't who you thought he was.

Friendships offer much to be enjoyed, but that doesn't mean we can cruise through with no cares and just hope for the best.  And, as with any relationship, we need to make sure we are trustworthy and a good friend, too!

INNER BEAUTY NUGGET:

 

OUTER BEAUTY TIP:

This time of year, it's extra important to moisturize the lips.  There are so many lip balms out there, at all different price points.  Here's a video I came across by HollieEatsLipstick (I love that name!).  She has collected tons of brands, and she lets us know what's available and talks about her opinion of some of them.  This is the only video of hers I have seen, but she was fun to watch and listen to.  Enjoy! :)

Can't see the video?  Click here.

Smile!

"Guys," Part 1: That Guy in Your Locker

Hey Beautiful!

This first post in a series on "Guys" is all about guys you don't know personally.

Yeah, that guy you see whenever you open your locker to get books for your next class, or when you're at home and go in your room, or . . . well, the possibilities are endless.

I'm talking about posters and photos of celebrities that we place in strategic places to ogle whenever we have a chance.

I'll be the first to admit I liked those posters when I was a young lady.  Different faces than what you probably have hanging up somewhere, but they were popular at the time.  My sis and I had Michael Jackson posters all over our room, on walls and closet doors, and smaller photos we cut out of magazines were stuck to our headboards, mirror frame, and dresser drawers.  Oh, I should probably explain, since you may be too young to know this, but MJ was super cute in his PPS (Pre-Plastic Surgery) days.  Things got really out of hand for him, poor guy.

I eventually grew out of that phase, got married, and left MJ's images behind (probably not to my younger sisters, who were aware he no longer had a human nose and had moved on to New Kids On The Block).  I don't remember it being a conscious decision I made to stop staring at gorgeous celebrities' photos.  The practice just didn't interest me anymore.

It wasn't until several years ago, as I looked back on those years, that it occurred to me that I had been practicing idolatry.  Now, please hear me out before clicking away from me here!

It's always wise and necessary to diligently obey God.  But we don't want to go too far and be legalistic.  So, I don't have the knowledge to declare that there's never an appropriate use of celebrity photos/posters.  If a photo just makes you smile and there's nothing morally wrong with it, then so be it.

But I would guess that many young ladies are more like I was and spend a lot of time staring at the faces of guys who will never be acquaintances, let alone friends, boyfriends, or husbands.

The truth is that we have no idea what the guys in the photos are like.  Photos are everywhere, but they're not always accurate.  They tell only a fraction of a second of a whole story, and they can be manipulated at that.

Things we read about celebrities are not always true, even when they're written by the guy himself.  Again, Twitter is such a brief snippet of someone's whole life.  There's often much hidden in the shadows that will never see the light of the Twittery bird's sun, at least not if the person can help it.

To spend too much time focusing on a face, dreaming of standing beside or kissing or marrying that face is a waste of time.  And it's making an idol, something we focus on more than God, of an image.

Maybe you don't have posters/photos hanging in your locker or your room, but photos are readily available on your computer, your phone, your tablet, etc.

I'm not going to tell you to tear down your posters or delete all your photos of stunningly handsome celebrities.  That's a choice you need to make (or not) on your own (and with parental guidance if you're still under their authority), prayerfully, following the Lord's leading.  But I would encourage you to ask yourself the following questions as you decide:

Am I willing to be honest with myself and with God as I think about the answers to these questions? (There's no use in going any further down the list if you're just planning to justify what you want to do, is there?)

Can I look at this photo for a second and then move on with my day without dwelling on it?

Does this photo cause my mind to wander places it shouldn't?

Do I daydream about this person more than I think about and talk to God?

Does this photo contain anything unwholesome or convey unwholesome attitudes?

Do I waste time staring at this photo?

So, the Bible doesn't say anything like, "Thou shalt not look at photos of celebrities," but it says a lot about idolatry (placing anything in priority over God and His will) and being careful to guard our thoughts.  (Colossians 3:5; 1 Corinthians 10:14;  Romans 12:2; Philippians 4:8; Isaiah 26:3)

Something worth considering!

Inner Beauty Nugget:

Outer Beauty Hint:
Keep your space clean and organized, so you have a place to feel relaxed and peaceful.  This can even help you sleep better!  Here's a video with some hints:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qDyQvG3X_4Q


Smile! :)